fangirl says what

It's a thankless job...

...but I've got a lot of karma to burn off.

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Beecher/Keller icon in honor of the rest of the day's random stupid...
Oz: Beecher Keller (Short)
Feeling much better today, thank you… needed the batteries in my biological clock forcibly replaced, but that – as I’ve learned – only hurts for a second. I continue to be graced with random universal truths, though…

There is no place in this universe or any which might be parallel where a child needs a Blackberry. And by child, I mean anyone under the age of twenty-five. I am aware that as I write this, RIM’s mission statement includes the promise to make “serious phones for serious adults.” I am also aware that most of the “serious adults” with whom I am acquainted only thank the divine universal powers that be for their smartphones when they can use them to harvest cotton in the FarmTown application on FaceBook during meetings. Which makes the whole dilemma a non-sequitur, I know. Regardless, and perhaps it comes from growing up in an age where, heaven forbid, we didn’t have cell phones (or email or social networking or Miley Cyrus), I have this strange… “thing”… about proverbially “paying one’s dues.” And there’s no kid on the planet that has paid enough dues to deserve to have unlimited texting. Hell, I was a 28-year-old married, college-educated, home-owning adult before I had unlimited texting. I believe that one should, at minimum, be able to actually read the phone bill before this becomes attainable.

Speaking of children reminds me that Halloween is right around the corner, which reminds me that I haven’t asked for a while… WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO HALLOWEEN? (Please keep in mind that I am trying to temper my own bitterness over the fact that I will be dressed like a complete goober because I will be wearing a red Nike University of Nebraska t-shirt and with beautiful fairy princess wings and ballet shoes, using my cell phone as an extension of my hand to check the baseball scores, because some brainless, witless moron scheduled Halloween on a Saturday in October.) When I was a kid back in Winchestertonfieldville, this was a big deal, and we took it seriously – Halloween was treated with proper reverence and respect. There really wasn’t much more in the world more important than the costume, unless it was firecrackers under front porches, consumption of upwards of five pounds of various candy in a sitting, or getting to play hide-and-seek around the neighborhood after dark (we called it ‘Ghost in the Graveyard’ – I have no idea why – but it was the mecca of childhood games)… point is, we celebrated the crap out of this holiday, and I’m firmly of the mind that today’s kids just can’t squeeze the sheer hedonistic joy out of it that we could because it’s been completely pussified. I remember being out way past dark – today’s trick or treaters are in bed by eight on some random night that isn’t even October 31st in which they did not, in fact, harass the neighbors for candy but dressed up in half-hearted costumes to go to some suburban mall-based movie-themed “all-ages celebration”. And don’t even get me started on “healthy alternatives to candy”. It’s gotten so bad that yesterday, a friend emailed me her “list of rules for trick or treaters,” including the following:

“I understand that they do make some adorable costumes for babies. However, if I don't know you or your baby, I'm not giving you candy. It's pretty shameful that you're willing to STEAL (that's right, I said steal) candy under the guise of trick or treating for a BABY.”

Seriously, people? Seriously? You’re willing to go through the work it takes to dress up your toddler as a pirate (your toddler doesn’t know what a pirate is, by the way) for a sack full of grubby little Milky Ways that every snot-nosed, swine-flu-riddled kid in the neighborhood has fingered, when you could just invest the same time and resources making a trip to the supermarket to buy candy and then sit on the couch and watch the Yankees bitchslap the Phillies? This needs to be an actual RULE? Someone needs to TELL YOU THIS?!? Apparently the kids aren’t the only one missing something.

In order to improve everyone’s sense of humor regarding this senseless holiday tragedy, a little pick-me-up courtesy of The Onion:

How to Find a Masculine Halloween Costume for Your Effeminate Son

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There is no place in this universe or any which might be parallel where a child needs a Blackberry. And by child, I mean anyone under the age of twenty-five.

I am under the age of 25. I'm 21, to be exact. And I have a blackberry. And I would just like to say that I don't know how I got anything done without it. Between balancing work and college and various appointments during the week, I have a lot of trouble remember when I have to be certain places, and when my assignments are due. When I just had a separate paper planner, I often forgot to write in it, or I left it at home accidentally. However, I NEVER go anywhere without my phone. And thus, this is only one of the reasons I NEED a blackberry.

Meh. Need is relative. I'm glad it helps you to stay organized, but I worked full time and went to school full-time and was a college athlete who managed to graduate without a Blackberry. In fact, I didn't even have a Palm Pilot until a year into my career, kept it for six months, and went back to my trusty Franklin Covey. To be more contemporary, I am intimately familiar with the day-to-days of several college students who work full time. They seem to be surviving. So again... "need" is relative. :)

I'm with you! Though I was encouraged that the zombie babies sold out at the Halloween store in a couple of days. Someone has the proper Halloween spirit in Jonesboro AR. All the "fall festivals" and such here are rained out. So I'm looking forward to a lot of trick-or-treaters. They bus them into our neighborhood. I probably need to buy more candy. I hope you have an excellent Halloween - and that your team wins. Miss you!

Glad to hear you're feeling better Kristen. :)

Thanks for sharing the link - I giggled quite a lot. Though I'm not sure whether to take it seriously or not? *is clueless about things these days*

And I also agree that kids don't need that sort of unlimited things on their phones these days. It annoys me, because it's not like we got things like that handed out to us, even just a couple of years ago. Nowadays kids get everything handed to them. They're going to come to expect this and when it suddenly stops, we'll just have a generation of useless no-hopers.

Hmmmm. Not happy, Jan.

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